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ryangilin

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[19 Aug 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | curious ]

wow... im pretty sure that i like someone that i met in a whacko hospital...

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[18 Aug 2005|09:56pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

my sweet ass just bought reqrium for a dream

1 more | post comment

[17 Aug 2005|05:52pm]
[ mood | amused ]

yeah im just sittin here waiting for ashley to get here. lol so today i was outside having a ciggerete and i noticed this weird shaped plant over in my neighbors yard by their gutter. so i went over and had a look at it and it was a fucking cannibus plant.. if you all dont know what that is, its a plant for growing weed.. i thought it was pretty funny considering that these people are like 60 years old, but whatever its all good.

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harbor oaks [15 Aug 2005|08:49pm]
[ mood | happy ]

yeah i went to harbor oaks for a week and i like totally fucking fell for this grl in there but she left like on wednesday and i couldnt tell her........

6 more | post comment

[17 Apr 2005|10:04pm]
i have no clue what to right in this fucking thing?
7 more | post comment

[11 Apr 2005|08:54pm]
WOULD YOU?
put an [x] in all that apply
[ ] hang out with me?
[ ] go see a movie with me?
[ ] make a move on me during that movie?
[ ] hug me?
[ ] hug me a lot?
[ ] kiss me?
[ ] use your tongue?
[ ] dance with me?
[ ] let me put my hand on your butt?
[ ] put Your hand on My butt?
[ ] be alone in a room with me?
[ ] go on a date with me?
[ ] goto dinner with me?
[ ] pay for it?
[ ] get me drunk?
[ ] take me to your place?
[ ] sleep with me? (no sex)
[ ] cuddle with me?
[ ] have sex with me?
[ ] sing in a car with me?
[ ] grind with me?
[ ] play strip poker with me?
[ ] caress me?
[ ] date me?
[ ] ask me out?
[ ] please me in more ways then 1?
[ ] let me kiss you?
[ ] get me a B-day gift?
[ ] let me borrow your car?
[ ] be my gf/bf?
[ ] have a fling with me?
[ ] be there for me?
[ ] buy me a drink?
[ ] bring me around your friends?
[ ] give me a massage?
[ ] take me to the club
[ ] love me?
[ ] hang out with me more the 2 times a week?
[ ] miss me?
[ ] enjoy being with me?
[ ] re-post this for me to answer your questions
2 more | post comment

[09 Apr 2005|06:16pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

1. State your completely honest opinion of me as a comment to this entry
2. Post with ur name or username
3. Be brutal and completely honest
4 Say as much or as little as you want
5. Dont feel afraid to say anything
6.If your reading this, you must comment!
7.Post this in your own journal (optional)

3 more | post comment

[03 Apr 2005|12:54pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Amanda i love you
4-2-05
<33333

2 more | post comment

[30 Mar 2005|07:45pm]
Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

Moonlight
You have moonlight eyes. Moonlight is the color of mystery. Your eyes symbolize your ability to see yourself as others see you. You have finesse for letting other people know what you think. You have a soothing and calming ability that you may or may not know about. You have the awesome ability to draw a person's negative energy out and replace it with a positive energy; the world needs more people like you. Some words to describe you: patient, self-controlled, perseverance, insightful, reflective, understanding, serene, and caring.
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[21 Mar 2005|10:22pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

i think im thru with livejournal
no scratch that i think im thru with my entire fucking life. Every thing i say do or think turns out to be a mistake. and frankly im sick of it. i have nothing.. seriously nothing to fucking live for. I now have like 0 friends becuase of the whole school situtation. i have to go to school with a bunch of fucking niggers, and im basically one of the only gothic kids in the school theres seriously only like 4 of them. Lets see im pretty much fucking becuase i have 3 charges of home invasion, which did not happen by the way. im beginning to hate my life, i really am. I dont see how things are ever going to get better for me i really dont know how they will. Ive been this way since like 8th grade.. i feel like i need to be loved (Like that will ever fucking happen) The Last relationship i had was w/ ashley and that like ended before 9th grade started... i feel so alone. and anyone i like will just turn me down so there aint no fucking point in liking someone, but i just cant help myslef but like someone. This will prolly be the last journal entry i write, im prolly just gonna delate this all together, but w.e. i doubt its gonna matter much, becuase livejournal didint help me at all.. When i tried to make things work with joni, but they blow up in my face like things usually do. i wish i could turn back time to wen i was in 8th grade, wen i didnt have such relationship problems with people... i think the reason im so fucking depressed about the relationship problems is bcuz the ones i was in lasted a while. I mean me and ashley were on and off for pretty much a year. and i was dating amanda for well of a year and half, and what bothers me so much is that i know, being in a relationship for that long twice would have to make me a pretty good b.f. and noone will give me a fucking chance anymore to prove that i can be a good b.f. most people judge me by the way i look and wont give me a fucking chance... Perfect example- Joni.. i have feelings for otther people to. (They know who they are) Im just to big of a fucking pussy to express them.. i dno.. im done. done with everything, life, livejournal, most of my friends, trying to get people to like me clearly wen i know they wont give me a chance, everything.....
Fuck this shit
im out

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[17 Mar 2005|05:07pm]
journals friends only now niggerss... im updating in a minute so log on and read it
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[14 Mar 2005|08:51pm]
WOULD YOU?
put an [x] in all that apply
[ ] hang out with me?
[ ] go see a movie with me?
[ ] make a move on me during that movie?
[ ] hug me?
[ ] hug me a lot?
[ ] kiss me?
[ ] use your tongue?
[ ] dance with me?
[ ] let me put my hand on your butt?
[ ] put Your hand on My butt?
[ ] be alone in a room with me?
[ ] go on a date with me?
[ ] goto dinner with me?
[ ] pay for it?
[ ] get me drunk?
[ ] take me to your place?
[ ] sleep with me? (no sex)
[ ] cuddle with me?
[ ] have sex with me?
[ ] sing in a car with me?
[ ] grind with me?
[ ] play strip poker with me?
[ ] caress me?
[ ] date me?
[ ] ask me out?
[ ] please me in more ways then 1?
[ ] let me kiss you?
[ ] get me a B-day gift?
[ ] let me borrow your car?
[ ] be my gf/bf?
[ ] have a fling with me?
[ ] be there for me?
[ ] buy me a drink?
[ ] bring me around your friends?
[ ] give me a massage?
[ ] take me to the club
[ ] love me?
[ ] hang out with me more the 2 times a week?
[ ] miss me?
[ ] enjoy being with me?
[ ] re-post this for me to answer your questions
1 more | post comment

[14 Mar 2005|08:21pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

well... its over. After being in Fraser my whole life i finally got expelled.. i knew this was going to happen, but i wish it didnt happen at this time. I supposdely got accused of breaking into my bestfriends house, and i spent the most part of thursday night in jail. Today i went to court.. and they put me on probation for a year and on saterday i have to go to this hearing to determine if they are going to putn me in the youth home. The referee i had today said if they put me in the youth home on saterday it will be for a couple months, becuase i was convicted of 2 felonies, and a missdimuinor. which sucks becuase after liking joni for like months i started to like someone. And i really liked this certin someone a lot. and wen things start going good for me it always blows up in my fucking face i dno.. im going ill update later on.....

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[09 Mar 2005|06:55pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

you know it just goes to show u how fucking convienyent my god damn life is i just got fucking piss-ass drunk to tell this girl that i like her a lot and she isnt even fucking on.. it just goes to show everyone how big of a fucking pussy i am wen it comes to telling people i like them.. :(

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[18 Feb 2005|11:52pm]
Im Sorry I Cant Be Perfect :(
6 more | post comment

[17 Feb 2005|08:24pm]
fkjflkjlkfjdilfjdkjflkjflkjflkjwiljfrilkjfilajflkadjfladjfljfljfjefieojeljefliejfldigjoiertifjlkdfjlkfjlkfjlidjsflfjliljkfjlkljjlryan fljlf ff af enff f
3 more | post comment

[17 Feb 2005|12:28am]
[ mood | tired ]

Yeah i just want to see joni i need to talk to you if you get on and i wrote about u in a big entry look down 2 entries... yeah i like a grl with her first name beginning and ending with an a... i think thats cool.. i really think that i will never stop liking joni though i think thats why i need to talk to her.. i wish she wouldnt be so shallow sometimes, and except me for me, becuase thats who i am.. i changed everything about myself in an attempt to get her to like me again, but i failed.. all i know is that im wiling to do anything to myself to get those feelings and affections that i had from her during the summer back.. that would make my life turn around big time..
Im going to bed
Peace the aaaa fuck out

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[16 Feb 2005|11:33pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Yeah i Just Finished Changing my journal around and i finally got music into it.. its cradle of filths nymphetimine, or yeah and just if your wondering thats robin graves in the background hes the guitarst in cradle of filth... i have to give props to my good friend catherine pleins, becuase without her my dumbass woulda never got the music in the journal in the first place well yeah i think im going to go take my medicine and prolly do a survey or somethine

Peace Nigga

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[15 Feb 2005|06:37pm]
Video code provided by MusicVideoCodes.com
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[14 Feb 2005|05:35pm]
[ mood | blah ]

ehh. why is it so fucking hard for me to be happy.. when you think your happy one minute it just fucking blows up in your face. I think mine and jonis friendship is fucked up to the point where i dont anything good can happen to it. I wanna like write about her in this entry i dno how.. I Wanna be friends with her, but then i dont, because she treats me really really shitty during this school year, and i dno.. its just reall really confusing, because we were like bestfriends for a part of the summer, but im sick of my life being so fucking miserable,i remember the first time i really actually hung out with her.. it was wen i went home with her nick ashley and garett she was going out with garett, so i really didnt say much to her, because i didnt know them that well besides nick... i remember that day becaucse joni was trying to get me to smoke weed, and i said i did smoke to look cool, but truth being i really didnt smoke at all.. I remember though one day i was talking to ashley on the phone in the summer i believe it was at the end of june or the beggining of july i told her that i think that i liked joni, and then i told her that i liked her for a while.. the next day wen me ashley nick and joni hung out i remeber that day because i told joni that i wanted her to kiss me to see if i liked her or not, and we ended up kissing, and i indeed did like her.. but that day after i left they went back to nicks house and joni ended up making out with this anothoney kid that lives across street from nick.. that really upset me, so i carved "i love joni" into my skin to show her that i cared about her more, i dont think i ever told her why i did that though.. but days after that i started getting 4really depressed and i my mom found out that i starting cutting and sent me to harbor oaks.. i was in there for two weeks and while i was in there i kissed a girl named amanda, and It was weird kissing her because it didnt matter to me at all, it made me feel different from kissing joni. I know that sounds very homosexual, but thats the honest a god truth. I talked to ashley while i was in there and i told her that i liked joni a lot, and she told me that she thought that joni liked me back, but she didnt know.. As soon as i got out at harbor oaks i called joni i thinhk it was on the week of my bday and we hung out at my house i believe it was on a monday, cuz my bday was on a friday.. on that day though she made me feel the best ive ever felt about myself that ive ever felt.. in a while at least, i remember she held my hand and then she told me she liked me, that day i remember we went and sat out on the swing on my deck and we watched a movie.. the same thing happend on my bday.. i realized on my bday though that i think that i loved her, because she showed me the same affection that my old g.f ashley shown me a while ago, but there was something i liked about joni better then her.. i think that she made me feel better about myself, but wen i told joni that i loved her she just laughed at me.. So that made me look very stupid, i remember the last time joni showed some kind of affection though and that was like the weekend after school started wen we went to the mall with her sister and her sisters b.f. that was the last time i think i heard someone tell me that joni liked me, yeah it was, because her sister was the last person to tell me.. I think that my life begin to turn shitty again though at her sisters wedding, because i think she got mad at me because i wouldnt dance a lot cuz i got a self confiedence issue thing.. and she got mad at me and wouldnt talk with me so she danced with some kid named erin.. i remember that nite, becuase i ended up sitting outside the tent on some picnic table for most of it. i think that was the first night she ever made me feel shitty.. buyt then she stopped talking to me in school and stopped calling me.. and start doing things i dont think she would appreciate me saying for other people to read.. and that devastated me, because i liked joni a lot, and from what i thought she liked me.. i was wrong though i asked her wen i was hanging out with her if she still like me and i remember exactly what she told me she said " I only see you as a brother type person for me now" i think thats point wen i realized that i was fuck and my life is going to fucking stay shitty for a long time.. i remember that night because i went home and layed in my bed for the rest of that night and i dindt go to school the next morning...And then we just started fighting every day.. i remember the last time we hung out it was at her house back in december.. and it is now febuary just to show you how much that ive fucked up.. i am now not aloud to call her house and not aloud to hang out with her... and am being called an SOB by her mom all because she thinks i pranked her house wen it was nick.. The last time i saw joni was wen we got in a fight today because she just left me at the lunch table by myself and just said oh sorry i was making fun of someone.. i know imm a loser, but wouldnt you sit with your friend if you were the only to at a table.. i dno.. all i know is that im sick of being miserbable and a part of me just wants to end it with her, but i wouldnt want to do that seeing as we have been thru a lot of shit and i really do think that i love her like ive said i have.. this entry was put forth mainly for joni to read all the stuff i remember about her and how much i care about her and how i unfortunatly dont think ill ever stop liking her the way i do... i dont want to look crazy... theres a lot of shit she still doesnt know though.. and theres more shit i remember about her but i gotta go bye

Psht happy fucking valentines day :/

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